


Not what he expected

by xserenity



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Nightwing (Comics)
Genre: Anixety, Engagement, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Relationships, self-confidence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-25 19:09:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12042354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xserenity/pseuds/xserenity
Summary: It was supposed to be a relaxing date night, but it was far from that.Not with Jason popping the question.





	Not what he expected

Dick sighed contently as he lay on the couch cuddling with Jason. Soaked in the warmth of Jason running his rough fingers through his hair. It was almost therapeutic and he loved it. His touch was gentle and soothing and it helped him relax, de-stressing after a tiring week. 

They were having a lazy night, a day off from their nightly patrols since the other family members had them covered. Since it was a rare date night, they decided to do Netflix and chill since they were too tired to do anything extravagant. It was Jason's turn to pick a show and he started up a new animated series about space pilots and robot lions.

Dick was so absorbed in the show, invested in the battles between the kitty lions and the aliens that he was caught off guard when Jason asked him a question.

“Hey Dick, wanna get married?”

It almost blew past him if he hadn't caught that all important last word.

It took a moment for him to register what Jason had exactly asked. “ _...What_?” Dick lifted himself slightly off Jason's chest and stared at his lover, surprised.

Turquoise eyes rolled in exasperation and he sighed. “Do you want to get married?” This time, Dick was able to hear him loud and clear.

He arched a brow at Jason, blue eyes staring at him in confusion. Did he really mean that? Dick couldn't tell from his facial expression. Not when there was a slight tilt to his lips, almost amused. Not to mention the way he said it sounded so casual that Dick almost would have thought he said it just for fun.

So he asked.

“You're joking, _right?_ ” There was no way Jason would ever propose to him much less want to marry him because who would ever want to marry someone like Dick? He's nothing but a screw up when it came to romantic relationships.

When it first happened, it came as a surprise when Jason asked him out. He immediately said no, ran away and angered the man. Pissed him off greatly that he went on a violent rampage, almost reverted back to his old self. He didn't kill but he did heavily injure criminals.

When Dick confronted him about it, he found out that Jason wasn't mad because he said no. It was because he thought he wasn't good enough. That the reason Dick ran off was because Jason wasn't good enough to receive a proper rejection or explanation. Or even be considered as a potential partner to Dick.

Which wasn't true in the slightest. Even though he'd come back with a different motive after his death, Jason was still Jason. Dick grew to love the man he became and it didn't matter which ‘version’ of Jason it was, Jason was Jason and that's all that mattered.

The reason he ran off so quickly and created this misunderstanding was because be was afraid. Afraid of failure and disappointment. He'd been scared multiple times by past relationships and had sworn to give himself some time to recover and just be Dick Grayson.

Yet, Jason came along and Dick unexpectedly fell in love. It was hard because he couldn't simply deny the feelings bubbling within him, but he couldn't accept them. Instead, he chose not to acknowledge his feelings and pretended they didn't exist.

So when Jason confessed, he freaked and disappeared. Ignored Jason for a while until he got wind of his nightly activities and had to stop him. After all, it was his fault.

When asked again by Jason, Dick had to gather up all the confidence he could conjure in order to say yes. It was hard and he almost had a panic attack, but he accepted because he wanted to give himself another chance at love and the fact that he really liked Jason. He just hoped—no—will work hard to not be a disappointment.

Dick didn't exactly explain to Jason why he'd done what he did, just that he had some personal issues that were holding him back. When he told him that, he expected to be questioned about it but Jason said nothing. Just told him all that mattered was that Dick hadn't rejected him initially just because he was the black sheep of the family. And that's how they started dating and it's been years since that day.

Jason shifted in his seat and moved to sit up right as Dick slid off, kneeling with his ankles crossed behind his legs. Vivid blue eyes watched with curiosity as Jason dug around in his pockets, searching for something. When he found the thing he’d been looking for and produced it with his palm upright, Dick felt his heart seize in shock.

Jason drew in a long breath and held the ring up with his fingers for Dick to see. “I bought a ring so yeah, I’m serious.”

Dick’s eyes were focused on the ring, completely mesmerized by the beauty of it. It was obvious that Jason had put a lot of thought into the design, seeing that it was custom made to suit Dick. The ring itself was a gorgeous midnight black band with tiny sapphire gems embedded all around the ring, as if to represent his vigilante persona.

It was so beautiful that it made him breathless, made him want Jason to put the ring on his finger. Yet, he couldn’t help but feel a tingling sensation budding within his chest, slowly spreading throughout his entire body. His heart was racing, stomach churning with nausea at the thought of being engaged to Jason, of them getting married. The fear, the anxiety ate at his core and he could feel himself struggling to breathe as it grew, clogging his airways.

“Dick?” Jason called, voice filled with concern and pulled the man out of his stupor.

Dick sucked in a shaky breath and balled his fingers against his thighs. “No.”

Jason arched a brow and stared at the bluebird. “No?” He repeated, hoping that he’d heard right.

“No,” Dick answered firmly.

Jason brushed a hand through his hair and huffed out a long breath. “Are you saying...no to getting married?”

He didn’t want to answer Jason but at the same time, he didn’t want to ignore his lover like he first did when Jason asked him out. Dick slowly nodded his head in agreement and watched as Jason’s face fell, confusion spreading across his eyes as he squinted at Dick. “Why?”

It was difficult to answer Jason’s plea for an explanation. Even Dick himself had a hard time expressing his fears. It was probably stupid in the first place anyways, but even then, he didn’t want to tell Jason. “I can’t—I just, I can’t Jason,” he whispered softly.

“Why not?” Jason pressed.

Dick chewed on his bottom lip, struggling to decide on what to do. He knew Jason deserved an answer or otherwise, it’d be a repeat of their first misunderstanding and he didn’t want that. Yet, he couldn’t just outright say it.

“It’s hard to explain. I just—I can’t. I don’t know Jason. I-I love you but I don’t want to get married.”

“Okay…” Jason said and sighed. He was staring at Dick as if he was crazy. “Are you saying it’s because of me?”

“No!” Dick immediately denied that. He was not going to let Jason think it was his fault because it wasn’t. It was all Dick—him and his stupid insecurities and self-confidence. His ability to always fail at everything he tried, constantly disappointing those around him.

“Okay. If it’s not me then what is it?” Jason asked.

“It wouldn’t make sense if I told you.”

“Try me.” Jason challenged and folded his arms over his chest. He waited patiently for Dick to speak, wanting him to express his concerns and to confide in him.

“...I don’t want to.”

Jason breathed heavily, frustrated and rubbed at his hair as he tried to stay cool. But Dick could tell he was getting upset and irritated with how he was constantly fidgeting. He was becoming restless and Dick felt like he should do something but instead, he did nothing. Rather, he decided to run away like he always did.

“I need to go cool my head.” Dick abruptly stood up and completely avoided Jason’s glare as he moved to retrieve his jacket off the coat hanger. He couldn’t stay any longer, couldn’t breathe with Jason staring him down, that look of shock and disappointment plastered on his face. His emotions were in a constant turmoil and he couldn’t think straight. He just needed some time alone.

“You can’t just run away!” Jason shouted angrily and reached to grab Dick’s hand but he dodged him.

“I'm not. I’m not running. I just need air so I'll—I'll be back.” Despite Dick saying that, he wasn’t completely confident that he would return and avoided Jason’s gaze.

A brief moment of silence fell between the two of them as Dick slipped his jacket on and pocketed the house keys. He grabbed the door knob and was on his way out when Jason broke the barrier.

“ _Fine_ ,” he growled. “ _Go._ But I'm not done with you yet.”

That was basically a warning sign for him that he better return or Jason will come find him. Dick didn’t speak another word, didn’t even glance at Jason and slammed the door shut.

\----------

Dick was hoping that the cool night air would help ease his worries, but it didn't. The more he left himself alone in the depths of his mind, the worse he felt. Was constantly running a series of scenarios which all ended poorly. With the way he was, nothing would ever end well. 

With his knees pressed close to his chest and arms wrapped around his legs, he was deep in thought as he sat on the rooftop of his apartment building. Sapphire eyes stared into the skyline of Gotham city, watched as the city lights brightened the sky.

In the end, Dick ended up back home. He'd wandered around the streets but just couldn't keep away. He wasn't ready to face Jason yet so ended up squatting on the roof, lost in thought.

Loud footsteps could be heard, slowly approaching him from behind. He didn't even have to turn to look at who the newcomer was and just tugged at his jacket, trying to keep the cool air out.

Jason plopped down right beside him, a shoulder pressed to his as he nudged him gently.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Feeling better?” Jason asked, cautious.

Dick sighed and buried his face in his knees. “No.”

“Then why don't you tell me what's going on in that brain of yours?” Jason asked and tapped at his head before he searched for his hand, twined their fingers and held it in his own.

All it took was a single touch and Dick felt calmer than he'd been earlier alone. It was strange how Jason's presence had such an impact on him. The redbird was fully integrated into his life and Dick honestly couldn't imagine a future without him. He never thought they'd make it this far, had no trust in himself and yet, here they were.

Dick breathed and lifted their hands to press his lips to Jason's. “I'm just worried that I'll fuck up.”

Jason snorted at that. “ _You?_ ”

Dick narrowed his eyes at him, serious, and the smirk on Jason's face fell when he realized that Dick actually meant that. That he believed himself to be a fuck up.

“Yeah,” he sighed and turned his cheek against Jason's hand. “I am the best at fucking up everything. Especially relationships.”

“Oh come on Dick, that's not true.”

“Yeah it is,” Dick argued, irritation itching at his skin. He tried to pull his hand away but Jason didn't let him, held on tightly. “Every relationship I've been in I've messed up.”

When Jason didn't usher a word, Dick realized that he was listening. That he was letting Dick vent, releasing out all the stress and worry that had built up over the years.

So he let it all out.

“I always mess up one way or another. It doesn't matter how or what, I just fuck _everything_ up. I'm what causes everyone to drift away,” he breathed heavily, could feel a sting behind his eyes. “I mean, just look at my past. I've been engaged twice. _Twice!_ And that all went to shit,” he paused to gather his emotions before he started embarrassing himself by crying. “I don't want us to end up like that. I want us to last.”

Jason hummed aloud and pressed himself tighter against Dick. “Was that it?”

“What do you mean _was that it_?”

“Just—was that all you had to say?” he asked and glanced at Dick.

Dick nodded. “Yeah.”

Turquoise eyes stared at him intensely. “So, what if you fuck up?”

Dick blinked at him, confused. “Jason—”

“I fuck up too Dick.” Jason cut him off, didn't want him to say another word. “And look, you were young. You made bad decisions. But it's not all on you.”

“I don't—what?”

“For being someone who is supposed to be smart you sure are dumb as fuck sometimes.”

“Hey!”

“Relationships aren't one-sided. It takes two to mingle so it's not all you. I don't know what happened with your exes but I don't care. That's the past and we're the present.” Jason’s eyes were bright and warm and Dick could tell he meant what he said as he kissed his hair and gently brushed aside his bangs.

Dick chewed at his bottom lip and frowned at how simple Jason made it sound while he worried himself to death. “But what if the same thing happens and we break up?”

“Dick, I don't know if we'll break up or not but know that I'm not fucking letting you go. I chased you this far and you're mine now. No matter how irritating you can get or how much you mess up, I'm _not_ letting go.” Jason was serious, eyes burning with intensity and desire.

“But—”

“Unless you decide to dump me then that's different.”

“ _No_.” Dick quickly shot that down. “Never. You've been so good to me Jason. I could never hate you.”

“That's good to know.” Jason's features softened and he smiled at Dick as he turned to kiss his forehead. “I'm honestly appalled that you think you're such a screw up that you said no.”

He sighed shakily and pulled his eyes closed for a brief second. “I'm just…I have anxiety about it.”

“Did your previous engagements mess you up that bad?”

Dick nodded his head. “When you think you're going to get married to the love of your life and you don't because shit happens and you fuck up, you become wary.”

“Well lucky me that it didn't happen because that gave me a chance to have you.”

Funny enough, Dick hadn't connected the dots to that fact until Jason just mentioned it. Honestly, if he thought about it that way, he guessed it was a good thing his past relationships didn't work out (though he loved them at the time) because now he had Jason. He would be exaggerating if he said he was one of the best things to ever happen but he wasn't because it was true.

So much so that the thought of them breaking up had scared him.

But from a logical standpoint, what Jason said resonated with Dick. His reasoning made sense and Dick was just letting his fear overrun his decisions.

He was taught better and he should have been stronger than that. Except he was the type of guy to run off his emotions so that was unavoidable.

Besides, it's not like they didn't have issues because they did and they often fought as well, but even then, they worked together to overcome their differences.

“Don't worry about it too much. We’re _us_. Not what you and your exes used to be. It's not the same and it never will be,” Jason said and cupped his cheek, pressed his lips to the corner of Dick’s mouth. “Brothers but not,” he joked and earned an eye roll from Dick, but he was smiling. His mind, body and heart felt better than it ever did.

“So,” he said, paused to collect his words. “What do we do now?”

Jason hummed, thinking to himself. “If you're not ready, I _guess_ I can wait,” he said, made himself sound as if he was disappointed but Dick knew he wasn't. “But, if you never want to get married, then I guess I'm fine with that. Honestly, whatever makes you happy Dick and keeps us together.”

Dick huffed out a breath and smiled, could feel tears threatening to fall out but he wasn't going to let that happen.

“ _Ugh._ I love you,” he grumbled and bumped his forehead against Jason’s, listened to his amused laughter as he pulled him into a chaste kiss.

“I want to get married,” Dick whispered, lips hovering against one another. “I really do. I'm just—I’m not ready yet.”

“That's fine. I can wait.” 

“Thanks Jason.” Dick sealed their lips together and sighed into the kiss. “Ask me properly next time.”

“What? My proposal was just fine,” Jason said sounding offended at that statement.

Dick chuckled. “We were watching a show and you just threw it out there.”

“It was the best opportunity. I caught you off guard.”

Dick rolled his eyes. “Maybe I'll just ask you next time,” he teased.

Jason eyes widen comically and he hooked a hand behind his neck, fingers digging into the edges of his hair. “Oh fuck no you don't. I'm doing it and that's final.”

“Not fair,” he pouted playfully.

“Too bad. I already bought the ring. Three months’ worth of my crime lord salary,” Jason smirked, stole his lips once more and Dick just laughed as he let Jason deepen the kiss.

Whatever happened in the future, he knew he could pull through as long as he had Jason beside him.


End file.
